Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens
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Some things are only
communicated soul to soul.
*Shinsuke Hosokawa. Zen Wisdom for the Anxious.
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A follower asked the Sage, "You say persons don't need what you have to give. So, what's your role in being our teacher?" The Sage replied, "My role is to be present so what I'm not can do what I can't do but won't happen without my being present."
*Brian K. Wilcox. "Meetings with an Anonyumous Sage."
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As a hospice chaplain, I provided care to a dear, terminally ill woman and found I could not offer any direct spiritual guidance. She could not receive anything directly. I visited her once weekly. After many weeks, I almost gave up working with her due to this seeming contradiction: "I'm here to help this person spiritually, but I can't." It was a question of integrity in my role.
I received two pieces of advice. In the weekly team meeting, an administrator advised me to discontinue seeing the woman if she refused direct spiritual assistance. Another person, a friend and fellow chaplain, suggested I set goals for the chaplain-client relationship. If she disagreed, it would be best to discontinue visiting her.
I chose to continue visiting the patient. She continued to block all my trained means of getting through an opening, so to speak, to assist her. And I gave up trying. I accepted I was not to offer her spiritual guidance unless and when she invited it. I visited weekly and sat with her for about an hour and allowed her to control the flow and content.
This patient was training me to recognize what I already knew: I did not have to do anything to provide her - or anyone - with spiritual care or guidance. However, in a more subtle sense, I was doing a lot. I came, through her, to see more clearly what I had been taught - not-doing is often the most efficient and compassionate way.
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Presence is what we most want in our relationships, partly for Presence is unconditional. Many people know little or nothing about being loved unconditionally. Many relationships are transactional and quid pro quo. Also, much of what we call love is sentimental. I sensed this patient was deeply wounded by not being loved well. She needed more than Brian - the person, the costume of Presence - could provide her.
Sitting with this patient weekly, I was relieved of the burden of expectations and even a need to feel something for her. Compassion was simply being with her. I could be responsive to her in the openness of that safe, welcoming space. I was learning more about how Presence is effortless, though including effort.
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Relating to others through unconditional openness is hinted at in the Japanese concept ma. In the introduction to his Zen Wisdom for Anxious People, Hosokawa, says ma means "pause, silence, space" and "encounter." The first series of meanings speak of the openness, the last of the meeting of hearts in that openness. Hosokawa reminds us, "Value what is passed from heart to heart."
In being with through unconditional openness, heart can commune with heart in a nonverbal manner. There is always something going on, and more is always going on than appears to be going on. In silence, listening deeply to someone, we halt our efforts, relax, and trust the quiet happening. We discover this allowing of space means to love.
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What is Presence? With the patient, it was neither she nor I. We cannot think that we are, so tell what it is; we can only be it, for we are it. In the room were two persons and one Presence. She and I embodied the same Presence and were essentially that. That of Life in me was learning to be with that of Life in the patient. Wonderful!
What does it mean to say there is only one Presence, or presence. regardless of how many people are together? What way(s) is this Presence referred to in your spiritual path? Acknowledging this truth of one Presence, how can it shape how you relate with other persons? Other beings? What does it mean that Presence is effortless yet acts? What does it mean that compassion is not essentially a feeling?
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*©Brian K. Wilcox, 2022.
*Use of photography is allowed accompanied by credit given to Brian K. Wilcox and notation of title and place of the photograph.
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse.
